The Bathroom Guy

Friday morning:  This morning, we had 1 four, 2 mixed doubles, and 1 single (me) out on the water.  The workout was 3x10 minutes, but I just rowed steady state. 

No coach today.  Believe it or not, Chris has other obligations besides the Lake Merritt Masters Women’s team.  He is the head coach for the Berkeley High School (BHS) crew team and also coaches at Open Water Rowing Club in Sausalito.  This weekend, he is in Oak Ridge, Tennessee with his BHS boy’s lightweight four.  Follow them here at USRowing Youth Nationals Championships!

Ready for a really embarrassing story that will make your Friday?

If you hang out with me long enough, you will discover another amazing ability that I have—I always have to go to the bathroom!  Part of it is from constantly drinking water.  Part of it is probably from having a small bladder.  And part of it is probably that I am conditioned by now to make a beeline to the bathroom whenever we get to a restaurant, make a gas stop on a road trip, or are about to get hands-on the boat. 

If you do not row for Lake Merritt, you probably do not know that we are blessed to have a men’s and a women’s bathroom behind our boat bay.  These bathrooms are by no means clean or pristine, but they do have running water and flushing toilets and are a step above port-a-potties. 

If you do row for Lake Merritt, but for whatever reason do not get up to row at the early hour of 5 in the morning, you probably do not know that these bathrooms are locked until the Bathroom Guy from East Bay Parks comes at 6ish to clean and unlock them.  For this reason, our club does hold a key to the bathrooms.

A few summers ago, my doubles partner and I would meet at the boathouse at 5 on mornings that we did not have team practices.  We would try to get in an extra practice, lifting weights or erging. 

One morning, my doubles partner and I were the only people at the boathouse, and we were doing a hard weight circuit.  In the middle of the workout, I had to go to the bathroom.  I looked in the boathouse and the bathroom key was gone!  Someone had misplaced it, left it in the bathroom, or maybe accidentally taken it home with them.  I thought that maybe I could just wait a little longer until the Bathroom Guy shows up and unlocks the bathrooms.

On this particular morning, the Bathroom Guy must have overslept or been on vacation because he FAILED to come!  Believe it or not, there are some people—not just me, think of all the runners around the lake—who do need to use the bathroom in the early hours of the morning.  At some point, I turned to my doubles partner and said, “I have to go now!”

Both the men’s and women’s bathroom have a window that is permanently cracked open.  The women’s bathroom has a railing outside that if you were small enough, you could potentially use to climb into the bathroom.  Thus, there is a bar in the middle of the women’s bathroom window that prevents you from climbing in (remember we live in Oakland and there are scary and homeless people around the lake). 

The men’s bathroom window, however, does not have a railing outside and now bar in the window.  You would need to get a boost or have incredible upper body strength to pull yourself up through the window. 

I was desperate for a bathroom.  I would have died for a port-a-potty.  The only way I would get to a bathroom was climbing through the window of the men’s bathroom.  (Trust me, there are no bushes around the boathouse that are good for bathroom use.  We checked.) 

My dear doubles partner took pity on me and agreed to be my partner-in-crime.  We stood outside of the men’s bathroom and double checked that no one was around to gawk at us or to call the cops on us.  Then, my doubles partner gave me a lift and I grabbed the top of the window.  I pulled my upper body through and had to maneuver my lower body a few times before fitting all the way through.  The whole time, both of us were cracking up, trying not to think about how ridiculous this must look and how much worse it would be if I got stuck in the window. 

Luckily, I made it through the window, went to the bathroom, was able to unlock the bathroom door from the inside, and hence, did not have to repeat the window climbing.  And this is the story of how I know that there is only one big stall in the men’s bathroom (the women’s bathroom has two stalls).  

Never put too much faith in the Bathroom Guy because one day, he might not be there for you!